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Life Is Tough [Tuesday 21 Apr 2009 at 12:21 pm]
A few weeks ago a friend of mine on LJ posted about a dating frustration and told the story of how she visited a local bar and took home a fellow she met there. She had sent him away first thing in the morning with no intention of ever seeing him again.

I wanted to post that I was jealous. As a man I can't just go out to a bar and meet someone who will be interested in a quick meaningless night together. When I´m frustrated there really aren't any such easy outlets to forget things for one night. But men aren't supposed to admit in public that it's hard to seduce women so I didn't say anything.

A week later I was introduced to a new acquaintance. V and I have some common friends. She's a student at a large public university near where I live. She was very aggressive and direct about why she had requested an introduction. Apparently she finds me very handsome. She asked me soon after meeting if I was a little shy, and I told her that indeed I am. She then promised to be hot and exciting enough for both of us. She mentioned that relationships don't really need to be serious and that she really liked sex.

I was more put off by the whole meeting than I expected to be. V is a pretty girl but slightly overweight. She smells nice and I liked sitting close with her pressed up against me. But she displayed no interest at all in who I am deep inside or my interests in science or books. Any time I tried to expand the conversation to find commonalities she turned right back to how nice it would be if we were just kissing already.

I took her number but when she texted me later I didn't respond. I guess I was wrong about the whole jealousy of one night stands thing.

The next day I was at lunch with some friends. A very pretty college girl I didn't know was with them. I made some small talk about books and she had obviously read some. C was a little bit too pretty for my usual taste. I feel like the really sharp looking girls are a little dangerous and prefer a more rough hewn outdoorsy look more than the model look. After lunch we all had appointements including C but instead of heading out to her class, she followed me to the juice bar where I bought an orange juice. She didn't get anything but suggested we could find a place to sit while I drank it. We talked for another half an hour together before I had to leave but I still wasn't thinking of the event as more than casual. She was already very late for class by then.

And when I was expecting to say goodbye she asked for my phone number. And carefully entered my full name into her phone. I was a little surprised but realized that I'd somehow inspired more interest in her than I'd expected, though I still didn't know her intentions.

We exchanged a few text messages over the next week and she suggested we should get together. When I called her on the appointed day she told me something had come up and she couldn´t go out. We talked a couple more times on the phone and set up a date for last week. When the time came she didn't show up. I called her and she didn't answer.

Guess I was right all along about pretty girls.

Even though I was prefectly happy to let this girl go without ever getting her contact info it really hit me hard when she stood me up. I was kind of befuddled and upset all evening.

Sunday I went on a tour of a local archaeological site. Pretty, but more the athletic type than the model type, A climbed the hills with me much swifter than our companions. We talked a lot between the sites. She slipped me a post it note with her name and phone number written out. After last time it makes me a little nervous, though. I suppose I ought to call her.

[User Picture]From: rebcake
Tuesday 21 Apr 2009 at 07:35 pm (UTC)
I suppose you should call her. Duh. It's all a crap shoot, of course, but when you do (finally!) hit it off with someone, all this pain and frustration will fade. I guess. My husband says "no", he's still pissed off over every slight, but he also says it all came out right, in the end. He definitely never stopped trying, though. The alternative is too miserable to contemplate. I've been looking at a couple of examples in my own family of people who gave up on connecting with people, and it's not pretty. Don't go there. You'll have your dignity, maybe, but what the hell good is that?

BTW: Ms. V is providing a valuable service, going around smelling good and telling nice fellows that she finds them handsome. Even if it makes you realize that you are seeking something a bit deeper, aren't you sort of glad she made the effort? (I'm not-so-secretly identifying with Ms. V, though she does seem a bit single-minded.)

Carry on. Best of luck.

Edited at 2009-04-21 07:37 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: owenthurman
Wednesday 22 Apr 2009 at 06:31 pm (UTC)
he's still pissed off over every slight

I need to drink more so that my memory isn't that good.

Ms. V is providing a valuable service, going around smelling good and telling nice fellows that she finds them handsome

Now that you mention it, that should be part of the stimulus plan. It is a valuable service and should be funded out of tax dollars. We could have thousands of nice smelling college girls telling nice men that they're handsome.

Really, I liked meeting her. I just didn't want to go through with it.
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